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Adventure Kay & The Claw of
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------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 30. Let's go Maul something! Dr. Hawk-ing pealed out in a cloud of dust with Paul Rear-vere's hosed heine flying behind. In a flash, a hoard of corpses, wolves and lawyers exploded from the Pyramid. "How we gonna find the plane!" yelled Kay. "How we gonna get through the forest!" shouted Tigermark. "How we gonna evade the bad guys?" cried Maxx. "How am I gonna dance without a foot!" whined Socco. But, suddenly, the Jungle opened onto… "A STRIP MALL!?" "Where the hell did THIS come from?" added Kay. Rat shoppers flew everywhere as the Hawk's chair careened through a Wallaby Mart parking lot, past the Two-Ton Comen's Cow Pie Café, and into a plumbing store. Paul Rear-vere took one look at the plumbing and went wild. Holy drain clog! What a scene! This place is a Poot Butt's dream! So much crap-stuff I could scream! This place is a gas! BRRRAAAAAP!!! "Hey! Gas traps are on sale!" yelled Maxx as they whizzed by. "I could use one of those in my bungalow!" "Paul Rear-vere could use one in his 'bungalow', right about now, too!" coughed Tigermark. "No comparison shopping now, boys!" hollered Kay as they veered left to avoid a giant Blue-Bol lavatory lozenge display. However, they couldn't miss the toilet paper. With a crash, rolls went flying, and Mr. Whipple had to take a header into the shitter. Deprived of their favorite pastime, angry Charmin glommers tossed inferior brands and Cow Pies at the Hawk Mobile. "Mall Security to Pork-butt's Plumbing Palace" rumbled the intercom. "Cow Pie Conflict in progress." "Great. Now we got Mall Security on our tails!" shouted Cateagle. "Let's blow this poop-stand!" yelled Kay. They plunged through the plunger section and out onto the concourse. "Bad guys to the right of us, coppers to the left! Stuck in the middle again!" A quick left and they knocked over the Radio Shack along with its Outhouse. Another left and they plowed into a Fleet-Farm store. After mulching the manure section they tangled with the farm implements. Maxx: "I wanna brand new Combine Harvester!" Clerk: "Pay to get the Key!" Maxx: "Why can't I pay you something later on?" Clerk: "Tryin' to swindle me?!" The clerk threw duck feed. They ducked. The clerk threw rabbit feed. They jumped. The clerk threw high-fiber feed. They ran. The Hawk Mobile finally carreened back out into the street and Cateagle pointed. "Bad guys at three o'clock!" "Film at 11!" shouted Socco. "No jokes!" shouted Kay. "What joke?" cried Socco. The Hawk Mobile spun through the oil film leaking from an Exxon gas station and knocked over a dumpster, ejecting a score of vagrant rats, 2 energy company executives, and a Raccoon from Ohio. "That way!" shouted Maxx, suddenly pointing. Without a second thought, the Hawk turned the Hawk Mobile and they bounced into Roxy's Foxy Femme Wear. "What did we come here for?!" yelled Kay. Maxx just grinned as they shot through a load of lingerie on a BIG rack and back out onto the street. "That was quick!" yelled Mike. "More like a quickie," shot back Kay, pulling a rumpled Teddy off Maxx's muzzle and tossing the complaining bear into the bushes. "Watch the doors!" cried Cirrel. Before they could stop, they were through and inside the Maya Mall Professional Building. Signs on doors flashed by. "Dr. I. M. Innuendo, Proctologist - 'Always happy to give a second opinion.'" "Drs. G.O. Nads & Vivian Agra, Urologists - 'We take the 'Wreck' out of Erections.'" "Dr. Rotflmao, Psychologist - 'Laughter is the best medicine - because it's the only medicine you can afford now!'" "Larry, the Cable Guy - 'Git 'er dun.'" They zipped back out to the street only to find... "Bad guys diving worse cars!" "That tears it! They raided the used car lot!" Bodies in Buicks and corpses in Cavaliers were lined up alongside dead-necks in Dakotas and wolves in rusty HumVees. "oooOOoooerrrssseoouuuu!" "What he say?" "Either 'My shit smells like beer' or 'It's time for second gear!'" "Do it!" "I know what to do!" cried Socco." Head for the Golden Arches!" "We've no time for slow fast food!" "Do it!" cried the sock. They zoomed up to the drive-thru order menu. "Gimme a zillion cheese-boogers while you hold your pickle!" Socco turned to Dr. Hawking. "Floor it!" "ooroeeeeoohhuuussaooee?" "What he ask?" "Either 'Can I punt your duff?' or 'Don't you want your stuff?'" "No! It’s a delaying action! If any of those yahoos chasing us want to place an order, they'll be waiting till their tires fall off!" "Fine, but we can't wait for the rest of them who aren’t hungry," yelled Tigermark. "Here they come!" "Head for the interchange!" cried Cateagle. In a flash, they were tearing around and around the cloverleaf followed by dozens of cars in various states of smoking disrepair. "ooorroeessshhheeeeegggrraaa!" "What he say?" "Either "The rolling mage grows no hair!' or 'This interchange goes nowhere!'" "Sure it does!" Socco pointed to a billboard next to a subdivision that read "If you lived here, you'd be home by now." "We're looking for my plane! Not a split-level ranch with double baths and a six digit mortgage. Can anyone see the plane?" "De Plane, Boss! De Plane!" yelled Socco. "Where?" "That's just it! I don't see De Plane!" He pointed to the river. They gawped. The Stinkhole River was now lined with posh, riverside Condos, sporting docks, yachts, and ReMax Real Estate signs. "Where'd they take my Kitsune?" hollered Kay. "To the airport, maybe?" said Socco. He was pointing to a big, blue 'Airport' sign, but instead of an arrow pointing the way, there was a sign under it that said "Sorry. You can't get there from here. Go someplace else!" "Maybe we can we steal a yacht from the condos?" "And go where?" shouted Maxx. "A mile down river it plunges over Fishbait Falls. And believe me, that's what you'll turn into if you plunge over it!" "This stinks!" cried Kay. "What can we do?" "OooOooseeesshhhuuuaauagggsseeoo." "What he say?" "Either 'We're serving fried lava lamp.' or 'We haven't tried one off ramp.'" "Which one?" Tigermark swallowed and pointed. The cracked and peeling sign with the vulture sitting on it caused everyone to shiver. It was the dreaded Slaussen Cutoff. OOOoooooooo....... "Hey wait a minute!" cried Kay. "Does anyone here have a Slaussen that might get cut off?" "Nope." "Don't look at me." "I'm fresh out." "I think I left mine in my other pants." "OOoorreooo." "BRRAAAAPPP!!!!" "Excuse me. What the heck is a Slaussen?" "Dr. Hawk-ing? Go for it!" said Kayngi, pointing. Electric motors revved, trans-alloy gears meshed, and plasmacore wheel treads dug in. "Atomic batteries to power! Turbines to speed! Everyone got their seat belt on?" Socco held up an arm. "Excuse me. What the heck is...... The Hawk Mobile tore down the ramp like a bat out of the Bat Cave. ".......aaaaAAHHH SSSSEEEEEEEEAT BELT?????.............." The Hawk Mobile turned and rocketed west, but the Mummy of Karnack sailed east - right into the Slaussen sign. With a sickening crunch the mummy gave up the ghost and broke into several pieces. "SOCCO!" screamed Kay. "Turn around! We lost the sock!" Pulling a 'Yuey' and spitting enough gravel to fill a cement truck, the Hawk Mobile managed to change direction and head back to the scene of the parting of ways. When they got there, a mob of rats covered the scene. They took off toward the Pyramid just as the Hawk Mobile skidded to a stop. Kay jumped out. "Socco! Where are you?" "I'm here," said a weak voice, "and there... there... there, and over there, too! And don't make with the 'spreading myself too thin' wisecrack." The sock stumbled out of a heap of broken bandages. "Crap! Just when this body was getting broken in, I go and break it. Wonder if insurance covers this?" But Kay wasn't listening. She was rummaging madly through the wreckage. Suddenly she stood up and shook a fist at the retreating rats. "Dammit! They got the arm of Karnak and the Claw!" |
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| 31. Plan B A deathly pall seemed to steal over the story - Well, maybe a runny nose pall. (Can't keep this up forever ya know. Gotta let the Punny Bone heal a bit.) "Dammit, is right!" yelled Socco, no longer his jovial self. "I'm tired of being a sock! I'm tired of being chased and kicked around. I wanna do some butt kicking!" The sock whirled on Kayngi. "You still got that stinky old boot?" "Why are you asking about the Boot? We gotta go after those rats! Now!" "Look," growled Socco. "Either I get a change of venue, or I'm headed back to the ether! Now GIVE THAT BOOT IN YOUR BACKPACK A NAME!" Kayngi growled back. "I can't believe I'm arguing with a sock! ALRIGHT! I name my boot SOCCO!" "Oh, that's original," mouthed the sock just ask it collapsed into a heap. "You satisfied?" groused Kay. "Oooooh! You have no idea!" said Socco's voice from her backpack. Kay grabbed her limp sock and ran back to the Hawk Mobile. "Come on! We gotta catch those rats before they get that Claw back to the Kolonel!" She hopped in the wagon and Dr. Hawking took off in a cloud of dust and old bandages. The cloud of dust around the pyramid entrance could only be the result of a firefight between the Badger Brigade and the rats, but Kay knew the rats would eventually win. There were too many of them. "Just hold them off a little longer, boys." She turned to Dr. Hawking. "We've got a problem!" she yelled. "We can't destroy the arm that's attached to the claw, but somehow we have to retrieve it or prevent Kolonel Crazed Wolf from getting it." Just then her palm pilot beeped. She quickly flipped it on. "Doctor. Mapper here. We've managed to keep the Kolonel contained inside the Pyramid, but we're badly outnumbered here. Defense situation is untenable. We're going to have to go to ground here shortly - take the fight to the tunnels. Are you safely away?" "Negative Mapper. Dr. Hawk-ing and the rest of us are returning to your position because the rats have acquired the Claw. That's why they're attacking your position. They're trying to get it back to the Kolonel!" "Not good!" answered the Badger. "Ask Dr. Hawk-ing if he and the rest of you can make it to our position." Kay asked and the Doctor garbled response was so emphatic that no interpretation was necessary. "We can make it. We have to. See you in a bit." She turned to the rest in the wagon , pulled out her .44 auto-mag and slapped home a clip. "Get ready furs. We have to punch a hole through those lines big enough to drive this truck through. Cirrel? Mike? Since you're unarmed I think..." She stared at Cirrel. He was pulling several metal parts from various places on his person. A short barrel fitted onto a pistol grip action. A second grip fitted to the front of the action, and one of the longest, fattest clips Kayngi had ever seen completed the weapon. "12 gauge auto riot gun. Double 00 buckshot. Furs at home call it my little 'Street Sweeper'. I'm a careful kitty too." Kay nodded. She turned to Mike. "No heavy hardware here, but I can play munitions supplier for the rest of you." "You can also babysit Paul Rear-vere here. Can't have a stray shot puncturing our gas tank." The little gas guy started to shiver. Soon dem bullets fly around. Making holes in Paul so round. Den I can't make 'Brrraaap-ing' sound. All I do is hiss! BRRRAAAAP!!!!! Flattened football Paul will be! Gas inside him all set free! No more bouncy butt for me! What be worse than this? BRRRAAAAP!!!!! Mike looked at Paul Rear-vere dubiously, but Maxx handed him a pair of 'Stinkhole River' nose plugs, and the little gas bag was more than happy to huddle in the bottom of the wagon. "Tigermark? What has Dr. Hawking have up his 'sleeve'?" asked Kay. The white tiger had readied his .45 Auto Estate, and just finished talking with the Hawk. "His combat chair has shielding up front, so our rear will be most vulnerable. He's counting on forward momentum to push us through and he'll be using the Tanglefoot 'silly' string to incapacitate the rats at close quarters. Our job is to lay down fire to suppress return fire from those still standing at a distance - that, and guard our rear." Cateagle had his .45 auto ready and Maxx, his Schlock 9 mm. "Let's get 'er done," said Kay. "But before we do that," said Mike, "I have an idea. Does this rolling ammo dump have a public address system? Seems we still have Mall Security on our tails." A mike shot from a slot on the back of the Hawk's chair. Mike snagged it and brought it to his muzzle. "Mall Security! Report to Wallaby Mart! Heavily Armed (and Legged) Mall Cruisers spotted in the 50% off section! Use of excessive credit-checks is authorized. And will the Red Wallaby Mart associate with the White Jersey please pick up the Blue phone? It fell off the wall again." Half their pursuers disappeared the way they came. "That's one less headache," Mike said. "They aren't the brightest bulbs on the Christmas Tree, are they?" mused Cirrel. "We still got plenty to contend with up ahead," Kay pointed out. "Maybe not," said Cirrel, taking the mike. "Mike's idea just gave me an idea. What can best strike fear into the heart of your average rat?" "A visit from their Ex's lawyer?" "Besides that." Cirrel was smiling, but his throat was making a low, guttural growl. "Ahhh!" said Kay, returning the smile. She turned to Tigermark, Maxx, and Cateagle who were looking at her and nodding. Kay winked and turned up the volume on the microphone to max levels. "Okay boys. Let's make it sound like it's SUPPERTIME!" In unison, the five felines cut loose with the most horrendous, bloody-thirsty, and HUNGRY sounding cat-scream. The over-amplified caterwauling shook the clearing to its roots. Rocks split, trees fell, rats chit their britches, and in an instant, the area around the Pyramid was nearly deserted. "OOOEEEAAARREEooooEEE!" "What he say?" "Either 'Spam-it! I'm too old for this!' or 'Dammit! Ya shoulda warned us!" Cirrel apologized to the Hawk as they came up to the surprised Badgers. Mapper looked a bit put off. "And here I thought we were going to have a most enjoyable pitched battle!" Kay looked worried until the Badger smiled. "Actually, that little maneuver was pretty good - almost as good as our Badger Call." "Better!" said Kay grinning back. "Our little 'love song' is species specific. The Badger Call simply drives everyone nuts." "True," agreed Mapper. "That is one of its drawbacks. Anyway, none of the rats got through, but they'll probably be massing for a second attack. The full moon tonight means we'll have activity throughout the night." Sure enough, after changing their trousers, it looked like the rats were coming back. "We'd better move inside and apprehend the Kolonel," said Mapper. "That'll be the best way to insure he doesn't get the Claw. I have a feeling the rats won't be trying a frontal assault this time. We discovered a freshly dug access tunnel up on the Pyramid and we can't do our battle thing and keep our eyes on every square inch of this dirt pile." Kay shrugged out of her backpack. "I need all the mobility I can get in closer quarters then. Mike could you...?" "Let me," said Cirrel, grabbing the strap. "Since Socco, the boot, is no longer 'shoulder friendly', I'll talk to him in his backpack bungalow instead. I need to ask him a few things about the setup here. We might discover likely areas where the Kolonel is hiding." "Alright with you Socco?" "'S'alright." flapped the backpack. Tigermark tapped Mapper. "Should we leave a rear-guard? I'm thinking if we made a big show of entering the Pyramid, the rats might forget ideas about other entrances, hoping to lose us in the tunnels once they're inside. And that's a real possibility given the setup here. If a well hidden badger could spot the Claw coming in, he might be able to tag it someway, and we'd have some idea of their direction and progress." Mapper looked to Radar, who was already holding up a small sphere. "Do it." Radar disappeared into the entrance. Mapper turned back to the others. "Special Paint-Ball load. Transmitter's encased in sticky gel." He gave the frequency. "It's short range. Maybe 30 yards in these tunnels, but it's something. Badger Brigade? Standard Tunnel Warren Deployment. Tigermark's with the Hawk in my squad. Mike and Maxx, stick with squad A. Drs. Cirrel and Kayngi go with C Squad. Cateagle, you're in squad D. If anyone finds the Kolonel, radio if in range, otherwise, use the Badger Call. That'll reach us anywhere this side of Jupiter. Okay, let's move." And once more, like a colonoscopy gone horribly wrong, it was back into the bowels of Club Dead. 32. Who's Mining the Store? Squad C had been stealing through the tunnels on the west side of the Pyramid complex for about an hour when Cirrel tapped the squad leader's shoulder. "Socco says there's a set of chambers up ahead branching off a central core that might make an ideal hidey hole for our Kolonel." The squad leader consulted a copy of the floor plan. "The central core would be this here." He pointed to a spot on the floor plan marked 'The Hall of S'Mores'. Underneath was a notation. 'Guardians: Marshal Mallow, Deputy Graham C. Racker, and Cho Colate.' "Professor," hissed Kayngi. "We may have a problem," Everyone looked to where she was pointing. Ahead of them, through a wide arch, was an enormous room filled with the most outlandish machinery. Cogs, shafts, gears, wheels, and pipes sprouted from bloated metallic shapes arranged helter-skelter around the floor and on the walls. Heat radiated from the room in hot waves along with clanks and clunks. A small squat figure could be seen scampering from one machine to the next, spinning wheels, pulling levers, and pushing buttons. "Keep a watch out here, boys." said Kay. "Uniforms might get them upset. Let Cirrel and I talk to them first." The squad leader nodded and Kay and Cirrel stepped into the stifling hall. Suddenly the figure at the machines noticed them, stopped, and ran up to them, bowing and smiling from a desiccated face that was almost all beard. "Hallo! Hallo! An welcom to da Forges of the Not too Well Off." He waved a battered looking paw around. "Not fancy as da forges of da Dammed, but we works wit whats we got." He pointed to himself. "I be Helter Melter of da Club Dead maintenance crew. We not get too many guests down here. Nobodies tells us what's up, eider. Dese machines here be my smelters. It too hot out here for da talking, so les go too da shelter over dere. Please to pardon our fixing up da shelter. Da felt insulation need to be replaced so I calls in a relative to do it. Please you to meet my brudder and former boxer champ, 'Belter'. "So he's the famous Helter Melter smelter shelter Felter, 'Belter', eh?" said Kay. "You could say dot." "I think I just did, and I don't think I'll say it again for a very long time. Look, we need to get to the Hall of S'Mores, and the map says the way's through here." "What you go dere for? You got smelter?" asked the gnomish corpse. "No. Why would we need one?" "Dot's where I get some ore when I need to fill da smelter - frum da hall o sum ores." "So the hall of S'Mores is a rock dump? Not a place of marshmallow goodness." "You got dot right. You wan sum ore. We got sum ore. We got da Numberf-ore, da Biggestb-ore, da Ign-ore, Yousn-ore, da Eyes-ore, da Neverm-ore. Lotsa ores." "How about some Sweatyp-ore," asked Kay sarcastically. "Nah. You git dot stuff from open pit mine. Dis stuff here comes from lotsa different unnerground mines." "Who's mine?" "No. Dat mine belong to famous first baseman baseball player. Our mine is 'Yoursor Mine'." "What? Yours or mine? Who's is it?" "No. Who's is first baseman mine. Ours is Yoursor Mine." "Nevermind!" "Oh, it mined a lot! "Then what do you get from it?" "Nothingm-ore." "AAAAHHHGG!" Kay stalked off and Helter turned to Cirrel. "What she so upset about?" Cirrel eyed him back. "Beware the female mind." Helter's jaw hit the floor. "What! Her? Mined? You can mine dem? Ooooo. Where's my pick! Hey! Belter! Fire in da hole! We go blasting for Booty!" The two Melter gnomes, loaded with mining gear, dashed off in a cloud of ammonium nitrate and fuel oil. "Professor! over here!" yelled Kay. "I think I found the entrance to the..." Suddenly a blast from the neglected smelters shook the room. Cirrel dashed to Kay just as the floor and ceiling collapsed. When the dust cleared a gapping chazm seperated them from their Badger Squad. "You all right,"yelled the Badger squad leader. "We're fine, I think we'll have to go or separate ways for a while. No way to cross this chazm." "We'll see if there's another route to the Hall of S'Mores!" Kay waved and looked back to the hatch she thought might be a way through to the Hall. "Here goes." She twisted the wheel lock and spun it open. Beyond the hatch was... "A chute!" she yelled. Then she sighed and looked to Cirrel. "Wanna go for a ride?" "As long as I don't have to pay for the gas. You wanna drive or shall I?" Kay grabbed the hatch lip and swung her legs in. She looked back. "See you at the bottom." And she was gone. |
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| 33. From the
Forges into the Frying Pan. "Hold it!" cried Socco. Cirrel was about to drop down the chute Kay had used, but stopped and pulled Kay's backpack off his shoulder. He opened it and pulled Socco out. "What's the problem?" "Not sure. Just a feeling. Coming from somewhere down below." "Are you sure you weren't just sitting on one of Kay's feminine things in there." "Nope. I'd know it if I had a claw file stuck up my... heel. This is different." "Well, we can't wait here forever while you figure out if this is a real danger or simply a bad case of toe fungus." "Ha!" cried Socco. "I'll have you know I come from a long line of spore-free spooks. Me and Mycelium don't mix. I laugh at Fun-gus. Toadstools croak in my presence. Athlete's foot flees. Mildew is mil-done!" "Great. I'll call on you next time I need to clear out a former grad student's lab refrigerator. In the mean time, we have work to do! Kay may be in trouble!" "Well, don't say I didn't warn you." Cirrel nodded and then shoved Socco into his jacket. "Hey, why am I in here next to this stuffed shirt? I liked the backpack!" "If things are indeed dangerous down there, I want you someplace safe. You're too valuable to lose now, and backpacks can get lost or ripped off." "You're so considerate. Got any air freshener in here?" "It's in the bathroom next to the walk-in closet." "Right." Cirrel swung the backpack back to his shoulder and slid into the chute. The typical Hollywood twisting, turning, and yelling commenced until he shot out the bottom, and right into mob of.... "RATS!" He bounced to his feet, claws out, and proceeded to flatten the dozen or so around him. But for all the ruckus he was making, the rats didn't seem to be paying him much attention. They were all streaming through the huge vaulted hall he'd dropped into toward a set of barely visible open doors on the far side. Cirrel bounced up and could see a running figure at the head of the mob of rodents. It was Kayngi! "She's got the Claw!" he yelled to Socco as he took out a few more rodents. "This must be the group of rats who had it. That's what you felt! Looks like she managed to grab it!" "How's she doing? Is she getting away?" "Barely. I need to join her fast." "You!?" scoffed Socco. "Catch up with her? In case you've forgotten, grayfur, she's 20 years younger than you." "We'll see." Then Cirrel did something he hadn't done in a long time. He dropped to all fours and took off running. "Hey! Since when can evolved bipedal furs go quadrupedal!" yelled Socco as Cirrel plowed through the rats, scattering them everywhere. "Since I''m not a native of Furry!" shouted Cirrel. "I'm Sholan! We can go 'Quad' because of the unique architecture of our paws, shoulders, and chest." "Well shut my Buckle! Who'd a thunk it? You're a widdle gween Alien!" "Hardly," puffed Cirrel, bowling over another group of rats. "I'm a big, nasty, gray-furred, cat-like alien. So is Kayngi, but that's another story. See Tigermark's tale over on the Bookshelf." "His tail is on a bookshelf? Not on his butt?" "Nevermind." "But I thought it was 'mined' a lot!" "Socco! We've already did that bit!" "I know. Just thought I'd milk 'mine' for all it's worth." "Socco! You haven't got anything to milk! You're a boot!" "What? You don't think us 'Booties' can't have some 'Boot-titty', too?" "SOCCO!" Cirrel screeched, and proceeded to angrily cream two dozen rats in his way. "Alright!" yelled Socco. "Chunky Cream of Rodent Soup! So chunky you'll be tempted to stab it with a pitchfork, but use a shovel instead!" Cirrel merely growled and ran on. The front of the rat mob finally gave way and Cirrel could see Kayngi up ahead heading for the doors on the opposite wall. She dashed through them and Cirrel put on a burst of speed. He shot through the doors as well, spit gravel as he turned around on all fours, and slammed the doors shut just as the rats behind them barreled into them. He pushed the dead-bolt lock home. "That was close," he gasped, but before he could catch his breath, an oily voice behind him spoke. "Doctor Kayngi. Professor Cirrel. I'm so glad you could join us." Cirrel whirled around. Kolonel Crazed Wolf and a dozen or so wolves stood around a table. They were all pointing weapons at them. Cirrel glanced to Kayngi. She had he .44 auto-mag out, but they were seriously outgunned. "So nice of you to bring back the Claw of Karnak," said the Kolonel, taking another bite out of a waffle he was holding. He glared down at it as he chewed and swallowed. "I'll be glad when this affair is over with. I'm really getting tired of these things." He tossed away the remnant and turned back to his captives. "I'll take that Claw now, Doctor." Kay suddenly pointed her weapon at the Claw itself. "Let us go, or the Claw is history." The Kolonel merely smiled and pointed to Cirrel. "Boys?" All weapons turned on the Professor. "I may not be of a mind to destroy you, Kayngi," said Kolonel Crazed Wolf. "But I certainly have no qualms about the Professor here. It's either the Claw, or he's the one who will be history." For a time no one moved. Kay was looking to her old professor and friend. Finally Cirrel looked to her spoke. "The Kolonel wants to be master of the world. The Claw will give him that. It will give him exactly what he wants." Kay was sure what Cirrel was about to say next. He was going to tell her to destroy the claw. He would sacrifice himself so the Kolonel wouldn't get it. Kay looked around, frantic for some way to save him. However, what her old professor said next shocked her out of her desperation. "Give it to him." "What?" breathed Kayngi, barely able to talk for her shock at Cirrel's answer. "Give Kolonel Crazed Wolf the Claw of Karnak. No tricks. No secret attacks. Simply set Karnak's arm on the table there and back off." "But that will mean he's WON!" she shouted, not believing her ears. "Yes it will, won't it?" "But why?" Kay pleaded. "Because at least once in life, everyone needs to get exactly what they want. Remember Kayngi... exactly what they want." "Yes Kayngi, do what the good professor suggests," laughed Kolonel Crazed Wolf. "Although, I'm somewhat disappointed by the professor's cowardly submission. I thought you felines were noted for fighting to the bitter end." "Exactly what he wants, Kay," repeated Cirrel. "No tricks." Kay opened her mouth in a final feeble protest, but then closed it. Exactly what he wants! The phrase tickled a memory, and Kay gave an almost imperceptible nod. "Alright Kolonel, you win," Kayngi said in a dull, resigned voice. She slowly walked to the table and set down the arm and the Claw. "Both of you. Your weapons and your backpack. Toss them over here." Cirrel and Kay complied and several wolves snapped the items up. "Now back away," said the Kolonel. "You will not harm Cirrel, or are you truly the liar I think you are?" growled Kay. The Kolonel growled back and waved off his underlings, but kept his own weapon on them. "I will not kill him - or you - out of paw. Where's the fun in that?" Kay shivered at the coldness in the Kolonsl's voice. She leaned toward Cirrel. "I hope you know what we're doing," she whispered. "For good or ill, the die is cast," Cirrel whispered back. "Let's just hope our Kolonel here isn't a complete blithering idiot." The Kolonel grabbed the arm and the Claw of Karnak. "I must leave you now," he gloated, the gleam in his eye becoming a bit maniacal. "Wouldn't want to display any vulnerability when I switch Claws. Was that what you were hoping for, Dr. Kayngi? To get me somehow after I'd removed my old claw and before I put on the new one? Well I'm sorry to disappoint you. I won't put it on here. I need an audience for this most sweet of victories, and what better audience than the ones I will soon vanquish! I'd invite you to the Ball Room where I'm sure the others are, but it's past midnight and I'm afraid your carriage has turned into a pumpkin. I'll just leave you to enjoy the company of your precious professor - after I lock the door!" The Kolonel and his cronies backed out the door and with a truly maniacal laugh, the Kolonel slammed it shut and locked it. Kay whirled on Cirrel even as he turned to her. "Why did you want me to give him the Claw!" she shouted. "We should have found a way to destroy it!" "Doctor Kayngi Tunishi!" Cirrel shouted back. "We didn't have all that much choice! Listen now! We may only have little time left!" Surprised by Cirrel's use of her full proper name, she quieted. Cirrel patted a bulge in his jacket. "The first thing I would suggest is that you put on that old boot Socco's been working on." Cirrel looked down at the bulge. "You've got it all figured out now, Socco?" "Yep." came a familiar voice from the bulge. "This thing doesn't come with an operator's manual, but through some judicious experimenting and a bit of bumbling luck, I think I've got her licked." Cirrel couldn't resist. "You like licking boots, Socco?" "Only the Blue Raspberry flavored variety," came the response. "What are you two talking about?" Kay said, pointing to Cirrel's jacket. "What are we talking about? I thought it would be obvious," said Cirrel. Slowly, he pulled Socco from inside his jacket. "Oh my God!" Kayngi gasped. Dangling from Cirrel's outstretched paw was a dazzling blue boot with a gleaming silver buckle. Cirrel chuckled. "We're talking about the other Boot of Karnak, of course! They do come in pairs, ya know." "So that old boot really was the other Boot of Karnak!" "Yep. Gowan! Put me on!" said Socco. "I won't bite. I just lick a lot like the Professor says." "O...kay," Kay said, dubiously. She slowly put her toe in, and when nothing happened, she pushed. The boot slipped on easily and seemed to be a perfect fit. "Ya gotta admit," crowed Socco. "I ain't no frigging Florsheim!" "That's true," admitted Kay. "This is definitely a beautiful boot now, but I thought I would feel something." "Other than me caressing your lovely foot?" quipped Socco. "Watch it there, Buster Brown. And how come you're a real eye catcher now anyway? The boot I picked up in Bang-La-Desh was a wreck." "That's because in order for a Boot of Karnak to shine, it needs a 'driver'. Me!" "A driver? What? Like a driver for a car?" "'Operating Entity' would be a better word," interrupted Cirrel. "The ancients didn't have the manufactured technology we have today, so they had to rely on entities like Socco the give an object a higher level of functionality. Instructions - spoken as 'magical phrases' or 'spells' told the entity how to modify the object. Those modifications could mimic the micro-circuitry we have today or be a totally different design, plus the entity could tap into whatever energy sources were available to them. It appears the original operator of this Boot here deserted it some time ago. Socco's been reviving the disused systems and keeping me informed on how the Boot works." "But what's this got to do with the Claw of Karnak?" Cirrel tapped Socco. "Because the Boots are the objects that control the entity in the Claw." "The entity in the Claw!?" Cirrel nodded. "Yes. And it's the entity in the Claw, not the Kolonel, we have to seriously worry about." Cirrel's 'teacher' face suddenly became stern. "Remember the warning on the sarcophagus? The one that said something disastrous would happen if the Claw was removed? That warning wasn't referring to removing it from the body of Karnak. It was referring to what would happen if the Claw was removed from the vicinity of the Boots. The Claw was separated from an active Boot for a while when the Kolonel took the Boot from Karnack's mummy, but apparently, after a thousand years of dormancy, the Claw entity needed some time to revive. Did you notice how the Claw was beginning to shine? I think the Claw entity may have been close to regaining independent control. It's lucky the Claw eventually got back to the vicinity of a controlling Boot. I'd have preferred it to be Socco instead of the Kolonel's boot, but you can't have everything." "But that's just it! The Kolonel now has the Claw!" cried Kay. "True! But he also has a Boot with an active entity in it, and because that boot has kept the reins on the Claw so vigilantly these past thousand years, I'm hoping it will continue to do so." "But this only means the Claw can't act on its own. Once the Kolonel puts it on, won't he be able to control the Claw?" "Yes, he will - I hope! Very soon now, when he does put it on, he will discover how truly powerful it is. When that happens...." "What?" Cirrel looked at his former student with a complex look of fear and confidence. "When that happens, either he controls the Claw, or the entity in the Claw will break free. Either way, it will be the end of our world as we know it. Unless..." He laid a paw on Kayngi's arm and felt it trembling. "Unless you and our Ghost in the Boot can do something about it." Kay shivered. "One last question. Does the phrase 'Exactly what he wants' mean what I think it means?" Cirrel nodded. "Yes. Sometimes our greatest desires are our own worst enemies." He squeezed Kay's arm. "But use that only as a last resort." The sound of loud snoring was now coming from Kay's blue Boot. "I think my foot went to sleep," said Kay a little shakily. The Boot snorted. "Huh? Is that old fart done with the expository crap already? Jeez. You'd think this story was supposed to make sense or something." "I'm done," said Cirrel. "But you and Kay have only just begun." He pointed to the locked door. "I think it's about time you and her went and kicked some serious butt, don't you?" The Boot of Karnak flashed a brilliant blue. "Lets rock!" |
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| 34. The Clock
is Running and There's No Time Left "So how do we get out of here?" asked Kay. "I wanna try something here, boss," said Socco. "Give the table over there a little kick." Kay did, but nothing happened. "Umm. I meant with the foot that has ME on it!" This time the kick sent the table crashing into the wall on the far side of the room. "Whoa! How'd you do that? I hardly kicked it at all!" "Energy multiplier, I think," replied Socco. "It's a plug-in they added to the boot after they first 'booted it up'. DON'T laugh. Where do you think that term came from in the first place? Anyway, there's an ethereal command-line thingie in here that roughly translates to 'Boot to the [Enter object] with [Energy Type] times [Enter number value]'. Jeez. I hate command line stuff. I'm a point and press kinda guy." "So I gotta wait every time you need to enter something in?" "Hey! I ain't doing so badly here. You try entering commands in a programming language that's a thousand years old! I got the equivalent of 'hot keys' set up now for most of the basic stuff. It's the add-ons that are giving me a headache." "Foot ache" "Whatever." "Okay. Let's go plug those 'Plug-ins' into somebody's rear-end." Kayngi walked up to the thick, locked doors. "Ready, Professor? We don't know what's on the other side." Cirrel crouched and nodded. A single frontal kick from the Boot of Karnak tore the doors off their hinges and flattened the two rats beyond who must have been posted as guards. "Hey, hey! This I like!" yelled Kay. Then she frowned as she looked out into the deserted hall. "I wonder if the Kolonel's Boot is capable of the same thing?" "Probably," answered Socco, "but I'm betting he hasn't consciously tried to use his boot that way. And unless the controlling entity in his boot is the overly gregarious type, it probably hasn't even told him it's there. Probably doesn't think it has to. There are neural pathway hookups in here I haven't figured out yet, but I'll bet they hook the boot directly into the wearer's psyche so the boot automatically knows what the wearer wants. I'll bet that's how the Claw works too. Slap it on, and your wish is its command - unless it's got other ideas." "Sweet," grumbled Kay. "Let's just hope CW doesn't find out about his hyped-up Hush Puppy. I get the feeling his more experienced Boot could wipe the dance floor with my Boot." "I won't slip if you don't." "This way!" yelled Cirrel. He was pointing to massed tracks that lead to another set of doors. These were open and Kay could see the staircase beyond that led up and out of sight. In a flash, they were off after the Kolonel and the Claw of Karnak. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mapper's squad, Tigermark, and the Hawk crept onto the Ball Room balcony. Below, Cheese Louise was gyrating as bad as Elvis and doing a smoking number that had most of the audience around her either swimming in drool or trying to put out the fires in their pants. Others were still out on the dance floor shaking whatever body parts they had left. Tigermark pointed to the opposite balcony and Mapper nodded. It seemed Squad A and D had already arrived. "Where's B squad?" asked Tigermark. Mapper punched in a call code on his communicator only to hear the harsh hiss of static. "Out of range." He hit another call code. 'Squads. Report." "Squad A. Nothing from our sector other than the locals seem more reluctant to tangle with us." "Squad D. No Kolonel or rat patrols. Tangled with a few lawyers, but put a 300 pound test 'delaying action' on them. They should be tied up in court for weeks - literally. How about you?" Mapper grunted. "No Kolonel but we did take away Jacob Marley's key." "His Key?" "He's a skate, remember? We also stuck him in his executive bathroom for the foreseeable future." "Then our only hostiles are the Kolonel's boys?" "Looks like it. Watch his elite wolf guard. They're tough. The rats aren't so bad but their sheer numbers will be a problem. Keep your eyes peeled for them and Squad C. Out." --------------------------------------------------------------------------- While following the rats, they'd come to another great hall - deserted now like the others - and while crossing it, Socco had suggested gymnastics practice - enhanced by the Boot of Karnak. "You're a feline, right?" said Socco. "You always land on your feet, right? So this should be easy!" "It's not your butt that gets bruised when this doesn't work!" growled Kayngi. "But you have to admit, without your weapons or your whip, you need to find another way of outrunning and outgunning your opponents. Just remember - let me do most of the work. Let's try it again." A series of astonishing jumps finally got Kay to the balcony this time. "By George, I think she's got it!" Kay grinned. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The final group of Badgers poured out onto the floor of the Ball Room. "Mapper! This is squad C leader! Get ready! We just got here in front of the biggest mob of rats you've ever seen! I think the Kolonel is with them but it was hard to tell. I don't know if there's much we can do simply because of the numbers!" "Take up a position on the back balcony Squad C!" shouted Mapper into his comm. "All other squads, consolidate your positions and assess options! Then report to me! Squad C, are the Professor and the Doctor with you?" "Negative! We were separated." "All squads! Keep an eye out for Cirrel and Kayngi. If you spot them with the rats, report to me!" The Badgers dug in just as thousands of rats rumbled onto the Ball room floor. But they weren't attacking anything. They just seemed to be massing. Regardless of what they were doing, they had a distinct dampening effect on the party in progress. The music died, and the revelers were pushed back. "Where's the Kolonel?" growled Cateagle, who had joined Mapper's squad along with Mike and Maxx. "If he's done anything with Dr. Kayngi, I'll give him something he'll regret!" His weapon was out and roving across the mob of rats. "Hold your fire!" snapped Mapper. "If he has the Doctor in custody, we may have to do a deal instead of deal out death! Watch and wait!" Sure enough, amongst the rats flooding into the hall, there came a group of wolves surrounding what could only be Kolonel Crazed Wolf. The wolves stopped at the back of the hall and waited as the rats formed an open corridor leading up to the stage. Then, as the rat took up a thundering chant of 'All hail the Wolf Revolution!', the wolves lead by the Kolonel marched up to the stage. The Colonel grabbed the microphone and seemed about to speak when he was interrupted. "Where is Doctor Kayngi!" yelled Maxx and Cateagle together. The Kolonel looked up to them. "Ah, I'm glad you and the Badger Brigade are all here. I thought you might be. As to the good Doctor, she is safe and so is Professor Cirrel... for the moment. I'm sure you can see the necessity of my keeping them in reserve as insurance of your good behavior." Maxx growled, but Mapper held up his paw. The Kolonel continued. "But let's not discuss these minor differences,now. I'm here to announce the cessation of hostilities! This should be a glad occasion!" "What's he talking about?" growled Cateagle. "Cease hostilities? I'd trust him as far as I could kick him!" "It is time for a new order to begin!" continued the Kolonel. "And I will be its leader! The Kolonel pulled something from a bag one of the other wolves had been carrying. He held it up. "NO! He's got the Claw of Karnak!" Cateagle pointed his .45, but before he could fire, the most earsplitting shriek thundered through the hall. "Wait!" Tigermark yelled, knocking Cateagle's weapon aside before he could fire. He'd recognized that yell even if the others could not. It was a Sholan Battle Cry. Rats froze. No one else, including the Kolonel, moved either. Suddenly, a feline figure shot from the end of the hall opposite the stage. Running at an impossible speed, it reached the middle of the hall, and with one bounce, leapt high into the air. Everyone stared as the figure traced a huge somersault across the remainder of the hall. Then, with a resounding crash, it landed on the stage and plowed right into the stunned Kolonel, carrying them both through the backstage curtain. "It's Dr. Kayngi!" yelled Tigermark. "THAT was KAY?" sputtered Maxx and Cateagle. "Don't ask questions!" yelled Mapper. "It's time for some Rodent control!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Kolonel looked dazed, but not out. "THIS is for threatening my friend, scum!" A swift right cross put the Kolonel completely under. Kayngi then grabbed the Claw of Karnak and opening her belt, hung it in on and secured it. Just then the sounds of a heated firefight reached her. "Time to exit, stage left," yelled Socco. Rats and several of the wolves had appeared to her right. She turned that way, but more rats appeared from that direction. "Back the way we came!" yelled Kay, and she took off through the curtain back onto the stage. The sight that met her eyes was pure pandemonium. Rats were everywhere. "Dammit!" she cried. "There's too MANY of them! They're covering every square inch of the floor!" Kay looked up to the balconies. "It's time to hit the heights!" With the little space she had left, she took a running jump, landed on a particularly tall and ugly rat and pushed off. A 20 foot sailing arc took her over the railing of the first balcony. She quickly got her balance, but a quick look around told her this was site untenable as well. Mapper's squad and the others were pinned down on the opposite balcony and this one was rapidly filling with rodents. "Were do the all COME from!" she yelled in frustration. "From their mothers," said Socco. "Though those gals probably wouldn't admit it!" A 40 foot gap stood between her and what looked like a formal audience box higher up and to her left. She took off running. "Boss! I don't know if...." But it was too late. Kay had already jumped. To her credit, she made it - barely. As it was, she'd caught the bottom of the balcony and had managed to hang on. She heaved herself over the balustrade and checked to see that the Claw was still secured on her belt. To her horror she saw that the sharp edge of the Claw had nearly cut through the leather. "Dammit! I'll have to watch the fancy maneuvers from now on!" She dashed through the door at the back of the box seats and out into a narrow hall. Rat chittering to her right told her that way was blocked. She took off to her left and up some narrow stairs that lead out onto a landing - a landing that lead nowhere! "The balcony's collapsed!" Sure enough. Between her and the rest of the third floor balcony 100 feet away, there was nothing but air and a few twisted pole-like floor supports poking out of the wall. Without thinking, Kay jumped and grabbed the first support. It creaked but held. "I wish these were smoother. I could do my swinging 'offset parallel bars' routine." As it was all she could do was scramble up on the support, take aim, and jump for the next one. All went well, until the second to last support. It creaked and groaned, and started to bend. Kay did a fast pull-up, got her feet under her and pushed off before she was ready. Ironically, instead of her aim for the last support being too low, it was too high, and the support caught her right in the waist. She felt her belt snap and the Claw slip. "NO!" she screamed as the Claw fell off her severed belt. But the claw didn't fall down. Instead, it sailed onto the intact portion third balcony just ahead. Socco had given it 'the boot' as it had dropped past him. "Thanks!" yelled Kay. She made the final jump to the third balcony just as the Kolonel's rats poured onto the landing she'd left behind. Swiftly she crawled to the Claw and grabbed it. Then she tried to catch her breath and look for another escape. But there seemed no other options. Without any way to secure the Claw to her person, more fancy maneuvers were out of the question. What could she do now? "Dammit!" she cried, pounding the floor. "We've got the Claw again but what do we DO with it!" she shot a look down at Socco. "YOUR a control Boot! You MUST know something!" "NO I DON"T!" yelled Socco. "I'm NOT this Boot's original operator! The only thing I'm getting from this Claw now is that it's operational but dormant! I might know more if it was turned on!" Kay shook her head violently. "But I can't do that! The only way to turn that thing on would be to attach it to my arm - after I've cut my own arm OFF!" "Then DESTROY it!" "Socco! I can't do that either! Not without knowing what that might do! I could destroy the Claw but what about the entity that possesses it? THAT'S who we have to worry about!" Suddenly sounds from the undamaged end of the third balcony told her the Kolonel's lackeys had made it to the this level. She looked out across the Ball Room to the opposite balconey. Even with Socco's help and a way to hold onto the Claw, there was no way she could jump that gap. She got to her feet, but a sift kick to the back wall of the balcony told her this was solid rock, not a wall she could punch through. She whiled around, desperately looking for some means of escape, but there was nothing! Nothing! As she continued to look, Kay felt the fierce determination inside her whither in the face of uncaring reality. Finally, she sagged to the floor. There was only one thing left to do. Tears of frustration leaking from her eyes, Kay took the Claw and placed the scalpel like edge on her left wrist. "Boss, don't..." "I've got to! I can't let HIM get it!" But even as she pressed down, an explosion of pain no blade could have caused tore through her left wrist. The Claw flew from her grasp to skitter toward the drop off of the damaged balcony. She gasped and dived for it. Her right paw closed on it just as it was about to drop. But then she felt her whole body dragged back from the edge, and a blue Boot came down on the paw holding the Claw. It was the Boot of Karnak - the one worn by Kolonel Crazed Wolf. Kay pushed her damaged left paw onto the Claw but her fingers wouldn't close around it. Blood from the bullet hole in her wrist dripped onto the Claw, and she watched as the blood hissed and bubbled. The Claw seemed to glow a brighter silver. "So valiant an effort Doctor Kayngi, but futile in the end," came the Kolonel's voice from above her. "You weren't seriously thinking of using the Claw yourself now, were you?" A metal claw came down and pulled the bloodied Claw of Karnak out of her grasp. Strong paws then grabbed her and hauled her to her feet to face her adversary. She wanted to spit in his face or claw the smug grin of his muzzle, but exhausted, all she could do was growl and stare at the Claw of Karnak grasped tightly by the Kolonel's claw. Kay finally closed her eyes. The Kolonel had won. |
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| 35. Your Wish
is My Command... Sort of. "As your Professor so rightly pointed out, everyone should get what they want at least once in life. Today it was my turn." Kay opened her eyes. Exactly what he wanted! A flicker of an answer kindled inside her. Gods and Goddesses, I hope this works. Hiding all expression, Kay stared the Kolonel right in the eye. "And what is it that the Kolonel wants?" she asked. "Why, to be master of the world, of course!" he cried, his voice rising a bit. "With the Claw, you will be the master of everyone you survey!" added Kayngi, raising her voice as well. "Yes!" cried the Kolonel, his eyes gleaming now. "Furs from all over will come when you call!" cried Kay putting even more vehemence into it. "Yes! At my beck and call!" shouted the Kolonel. "Furs will bow down and worship the mighty Kolonel!" Kay shouted back. "I will be a God to them!" screamed the Kolonel! "Then put on the Claw and take your rightful place as Master of the All!" With a gutteral howl, Kolonel Crazed Wolf ripped the Claw from the dessicated arm, tore off his own claw, and replaced it with the Claw of Karnak. Instantly it flashed to brilliance and waves of power seemed to wash over it. The Kolonel was laughing hysterically now and reeling about the balcony. "Mine! MINE! The world and everyone in it is MINE!" Kay felt the grip on her arms relax. She looked to the two wolves at her side and saw the vacant, dead look in their eyes. With a shudder she looked away. The Claw was doing exactly what she thought it would. Exactly what both she and the Kolonel had told it to do! Except it wasn't doing it to her! She bent down. "Socco! What's going on! Can you see what's happening with the Claw now? Socco? SOCCO!" "Uhhh. Sorry boss, but I got dumb struck there for a second. Holy Cow! You should see what's going on from MY point of view! Dead Dieties! The entitiy in the Claw! That thing's using the Claw to get its own 'claws' into the very fabric of the space-time itself! No wonder it can control everything. It can even reach across the life and death barrier! Ooooo. Not good!" "Then why aren't we affected?" "It's these Boots! Now that the Claw is operational, I can see how everything works. The Boot is generating some sort of bubble around us! So is the Kolonel's! It looks like this bubble puts the wearer just a tad out of phase with the rest of the universe. Any fur wearing one of these boots has only a tenuous contact with both real-space and the sub-space ether. The Claw can't affect us because it can't get a lock on us!" Kay felt her Boot shudder. "And another thing. It's good that I got the systems in this Boot under control. Without an entity to control it, this boot would have sucked you right out of reality!" "Beware the Boot of Karnak. I guess the Dragon was right after all." "Hey boss, you want me to fix your arm? I just saw here that there's a 'Hippocrates' plug-in. It's supposed to mend 'breaks in bones and grievous injuries to the flesh'. They sure talked funny back then." "Give it a try. It's hard to think with the pain." A sudden warm glow surrounded her left wrist, and then slowly faded. Kay found the wound gone and her paw functional. "Now there's something useful. Wonder if I'll ever get a chance to use it again." "Nope," said Socco. "Got a message here now saying that your health benefits just got used up and to please contact the Hippocrates Healthcare Group in ancient Athens for renewal. So what's the plan now, boss?" Kay looked to the ranting Kolonel and shook her head. "I was hoping the Kolonel would have realized something important about this whole setup by now, but it looks like he's too wrapped up in his new-found power trip. Do you have any suggestions?" "Sorry. Self Destruct instructions didn't come with this model." "But you said the Boots control the entity. Can't you do something to turn it off, or at least dampen it? That Claw looks like it's starting to go crazy." "Nope. Like I said, there are neural pathway hookups in here I haven't quite figured out, but some of them are definitely the control links to the claw." "How do you know?" "They're marked 'PS232 Claw of Karnak Control Port'." "Oh." "Anyway, I would have to be on the foot of the one wearing the Claw to have any control. The Boot on the Kolonel is the one in control now, but.... uh oh. Not for long it seems!" "What? What do you mean, not for long!" "It's only one Boot! Two are needed for ideal control! From what I'm picking up, it's maxed out. These Boots have only so much power to work with. Sorry boss." "You might be out of it, but I'm not," cried Kay standing up. "Is there any way I can destroy the Claw?" "Not while it's active!" yelled Socco, giving another shudder. "If you take it off forcefully, the entity's claws will still be extended into the ether. With the control conduits from the wearer's Boot severed, the Claw will probably go ballistic and rip a universe-sized hole in the space-time continuum! It can only be removed and destroyed when it's inactive! And here's the catch. Only the wearer can deactivate it with the help of his Boot! Dammit! I wish I'd known this before the Claw activated. There was nothing, other than superstition, to stop anyone from destroying the Claw when it was inactive. We could have trashed it at any time!" "Them's the breaks," Kay said, grinding her teeth. "So, only the Kolonel can decide to turn it off now. Is that it?" "Yes. And he must want to do it." Kay shook her head. "Looks like my original plan before he put on the Claw was the right one to begin with. But it's not working a well as I'd hoped." She looked to the Kolonel. "Time to put on my best Worshipful-Priestess impression. Wish me luck, Socco. The future of everything we know of depends on it." Putting on a mind-numbing smile, she glided up to the swaying Kolonel. "Oh Kolonel! Master! God of the Universe! How does it feel to be all powerful!?" "I... FEEL... GRRRREAT!" "Imagine, Master," Kay cried, cranking up the volume. "There is NOTHING YOU CANNOT DO NOW!" "I CAN DO ANYTHING!" "YOU HAVE A WORLD OF FURS TO JUMP AT YOUR EVERY WHIM!" screamed Kayngi. "MY EVERY WHIM!" screamed the Kolonel, spittle flying. "JUST LIKE YOUR RATS HAVE ALWAYS DONE!" thundered Kay. "JUST LIKE MY..." The Kolonel stopped in mid-rant and almost choked. "Just... like... my... RATS have always done?" "YES! Just like your Rats," repeated Kay. "Look around you Kolonel. You are everyone's Master now! They will only do exactly what you want! You are in full control! You are truly the Master of the World! Master of a world full of mindless... Rats!" The Kolonel was looking a bit dazed. He stared at the pulsing Claw, and then he looked out once more at his legion of rats. Finally he looked to all the others in the great Ball room. Thousands of adoring, mindless eyes stared back at him. "Oh, come now, Kolonel," Kay said, dropping any pretence of addoration. She waved to the sea of mindless husks. "Haven't you figured it out yet?" She placed herself right front of him, blocking his view, and used a finger to turn his muzzle toward her. "Conquering the world is just like any other goal in life." She looked right into the Kolonel's now troubled eyes. "Getting there isn't just half the fun," she said. "It's the only fun!" She stepped back and tapped the pulsing Claw of Karnak. "You've accomplished your goal, Kolonel. You've gotten exactly what you wanted, and that means it's the end of the game! Finito! Done! NO MORE FUN! Think about it." "But the two of us could...." Kay shook her head. "The two of us could do what? Rule a world of mindless idiots? No Kolonel, the world you propose would have no purpose. I cannot not live life without a purpose." Then Dr. Kayngi stepped away from the Kolonel, and hoped she wasn't doing something supremely stupid. She pulled off the Boot of Karnak. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Kolonel stared at a body that looked like Doctor Kayngi, but wasn't her anymore. Nothing of the mindlessly smiling husk in front of him, moved him. Her spirit and fire were gone. He looked down at the Claw of Karnak, and then around at a world, an entire universe, and a storyline - this one - that had lost all its humor. He was the only one left. There was only one thing left to say. "Man, this really sucks!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dr. Kayngi blinked - and looked into the face of Kolonel Crazed Wolf - a face that was surprisingly sane now. He had put the Boot of Karnak back on her. "I don't think I'll end the game just yet," he said. "But please allow me two more things for now." Kay stood up and watched as the Kolonel's eyes roamed over his sea of rats. He glanced at her, tossed her her whip, and winked. Then he shouted "Well? What are all you dumb @sses waiting for? There's the Game to be played!" He shot a finger at Kay. "GET HER!" The laughter that exploded from Kayngi's throat echoed around the Ball Room. "You'll find, Kolonel, that I'm never so easily gotten!" With a practiced flip, she wrapped her whip around a high chandelier. "Cue Pirates of the Caribbean! High-ho!" Still laughing Doctor Kayngi swung through air, over the rats, and into a high, out-of-reach archway. She turned and saluted. Kolonel Crazed Wolf brought the Claw of Karnak up and returned the salute. "The adventure will continue, Doctor." He turned back to his rats, his cohorts, his enemies, and the dead. "Alright!" he shouted. "One more Supreme Order from the Master of the Universe before I dump this no-fun Claw! I declare... I declare...." A luxuriously evil grin spread across his muzzle. "I declare this party to be Jumpin'!" With a burst of laughter and applause, everyone, including Dr. Kayngi shouted "How high?" Willing it into dormancy, Kolonel Crazed Wolf tore the Claw of Karnak from his arm, and flung it toward the roof of the Ball Room. With a burst of fire from his sidearm, it vanished in an explosion that shook the dust from the rafters. "That high!" the Kolonel shouted, grinning as he and Kay both kicked off their Boots of Karnak. Then with Elvis and the Stooge-Monkeys ripping into 'A Little Less Conversation', the whole place jumped! A little less conversation’ a little more action please! All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me! A little more bite and a little less bark! A little less fight and a little more spark! Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me! Satisfy me baby! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The two Boots of Karnak that had landed in a heap in the corner straightened up and gave a shiver to knock off the dust. "Well!" said Socco, turning to the other Blue Boot. "Don't go away. I'm just DYING to talk to you, but first I gotta make a quick call." Socco punched a line through the ether. "Hello?" came the spectral voice on the other end. "Al Death speaking." "Sir, I found him. He was hiding in the Claw. I got him on a trans-ether tether now. You have my location?" "Got it! Maynard's on his way! Good job!. Same compensation as usual?" "Fine sir. But I do have one request." "Name it." "Could you give Melvin here a swift kick in the ass for me? I've had quite a time finding him this past millennium." "Don't worry. When Ma gets a hold of him, the Really Annoying 'I wanna do it!' Little Brother Reaper will wish he'd never taken the Styx Yacht out for an unauthorized party with his buds. Took a hundred years to get the stink out. St. Pete was NOT pleased." "Sounds good. Anyway, if you need me again, you know where to find me." "Later dude." Socco disconnected and looked to the other Boot of Karnak. "Now that we've dumped the furs and the Claw of Supreme Boredom, what are you doing tonight, beautiful?" A decidedly female giggle came from the other boot. "Well, we could kick up our heels and join the dancing, OR... I've got a few ideas about what we could do with our big, shiny buckle-tongues, Blue-Boy. Wanna try?" Socco positively gleamed. "Like The King said... Satisfy me baby!" --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cirrel watched as the two boots ran off into the darkness before turning to you readers out there and winking. "Where else, but on PlantFurry, does the sock get the girl? Well, it's been fun, but remember, the Adventure must continue!" He pointed to the rest of the Planrt Furry Adventure Kay writing crew. "Take it away, boys and girls!" With that, Cirrel cued the closing credits on this story and joined the party. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Closing Credits with lyrics! Baby close your eyes and listen to the music Drifting through a summer breeze It’s a groovy night and I can show you how to use it Come along with me and put your mind at ease I would like to thank all of the Planet Furry characters who willingly let me subject them to this crazy nonsense. You furs are great! A little less conversation’ a little more action please All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me Satisfy me baby! Planet Furry Characters in order of appearance or mention: Crazed Wolf Kayngi Cirrel Mapper SkunkFox Mike Regan - The Old Gray Raccoon Tygon Panthera Tigermark Cateagle Darke Wolf Maxx All PF characters are copyright 2004 by their respective creators. All other characters are copyright 2004 by Philip J Eggerding. Come on baby I’m tired of talking Grab your coat and let’s start walking Come on’ come on Come on’ come on Come on’ come on Don’t procrastinate’ don’t articulate Girl it’s getting late’ gettin’ upset waitin’ around Disclaimer: The characters in this story are fictional. Any resemblance between them and real humans, alive or dead, is strictly in the spirit of humorous parody. Offence was never my intent since that don't get no laughs. A little less conversation’ a little more action please All this aggravation ain’t satisfactioning me A little more bite and a little less bark A little less fight and a little more spark Close your mouth and open up your heart and baby satisfy me Satisfy me baby! Now get out there dudes and have some fun! Or I'll sic Socco, Agent for the Inter-ether Recovery Service, on you! And you know how nasty those IRS agents can be. ;) |
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Finis |
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© 2004
by Philip J. Eggerding |
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